On Valentine’s Day, it is only natural that our thoughts turn to love. Those who think they have found it use the occasion to celebrate their relationship, making Valentine’s Day the busiest day of the year for candy sales and romantic restaurant dinners. Those still looking for love often feel lonelier than ever, so that web dating sites see their numbers spike in February.
Much attention has been paid to the explosion of on-line dating and the posting of personal profiles, but Americans have been advertising for partners for more than 150 years. I have collected thousands of personal ads from the 19 th -century, and it’s worth reading what men and women said they were looking for then, and how they went about it, to see what has and has not changed.
Putting their best foot forward
Then as now, some people were surprisingly candid and specific about what they wanted in a partner – and not shy about tooting their own horn:
- “A green youth from a country village, tired of having young ladies fall captive to his good looks, desiring to be loved for his good qualities alone, desires to correspond with an kolla här intelligent young lady not over 22, having in view an ultimate matrimonial alliance. She must be a blonde, rather below than above the medium height, well educated, and refined, domestic in her tastes and not afraid to make herself generally useful in a home which he considers himself qualified to make happy. Sincerity will be proved by enclosing carte de visite. Address Verdant Green, Stamford, Conn.” New York Herald, August 8, 1863
- “A lady, twenty-two years of age, of fastidious taste, wishes to correspond with a gentleman of refinement with a view to matrimony; he must possess rare mental endowments, superior education, be attractive in person and manners, have good social position; also entitled by noble qualities of heart, mind and birth, to the title of gentleman. She possesses every necessarily qualification to correspond with the requirements asked; wealth of no consequence. Address for one week Lydia Languish, Herald office.” New York Herald, October 18, 1862
Then, also as now, people sometimes tried to track down strangers who had ciliar with has probably encountered its “missed connections,” in which people address someone they saw on the subway or the street, but such ads long predate the internet. In the New York Herald, advertisers tried to contact men or women with whom they had shared a fleeting glance on stagecoaches, restaurants, or the street.
- “Beautiful eyes, black dress and gloves, white lace shawl, left Fifth avenue stage about 5 o’clock Wednesday, near Society Library – Vouchsafe interview to admirer who sat near by, spellbound. State particulars to avoid mistake. Address Discretion, box 215 Herald office.” New York Herald, July 3, 1869
- “If the two gentlemen who followed two ladies down and up Broadway, on Saturday afternoon, and spoke to them, will be at the corner of Twenty-third street, by the Fifth Avenue Hotel, at half-past two next Saturday, they will meet the same ladies. Answer through “Personals” as soon as possible. E & L.” New York Herald, January 16, 1862
Seeking companionship and shared values
Sometimes, despite the dated language, we can recognize the same interest in companionship and shared values that motivates modern men and women:
- “Matrimonial. – A widow of the highest respectability desires to correspond with an elderly gentleman of means and intelligence, with a view to matrimony. Being the recipient of a good English education, a fair linguist and pleasing musician, also of a lively and domestic temperament, she might propose to go happily down the hill of life with a suitable companion, being by no means young and far from old. Address F.L.N. New-York Post-office.” New York Times, March 15, 1866
