The conflict of mother -in -law and daughter -in -law, in which two women are fighting for the attention of a man, does not lose relevance. A lot of stereotypes have formed around it, and sometimes they interfere with the construction of good relations in the family. The author of the article shares advice, and some may seem unexpected.
Find the balance
Frequent error when building relationships is to think that now you are the main and only woman in your husband’s life. But there is a mother who raised him. Your man was educated, achieved something thanks to (and sometimes contrary to) her efforts. And you chose it. So, his mother is at least worthy of respect, because it was she who gave him life.
Avoid extremes: do not neglect it, “expel” from the family or, conversely, with all your might to try to like. Find your balance. First, take care of yourself: determine your personal boundaries, understand what you can make concessions and are you ready for them.
Marriage is a new stage of life in which you grow and change. And the earlier you start observing yourself, the easier it will be to communicate with loved ones. Just do not try to solve everything at once and “tightly”. The situation is changing: you can always reconsider the solutions and develop – there would be a desire.
Believe me in your strength
A woman has a great force to transform the space around. She can much. The main thing is to realize why it is needed. If you love your husband sincerely, realize the importance of good family relations, then “tame” any mother -in -law. But do not take steps to meet if you yourself are not ready, if you do it, “because it is so accepted”.
It happens that you “do not digest” the mother-in-law precisely because the relationship with your husband is not built.
If the spouse does not communicate with the mother, conflicts, treat with understanding. Try to find out what this attitude is based on. Sometimes it is the daughter -in -law that can be established or at least soften the relationship between her mother and son.
Watch your mother -in -law
To build long -term relationships, you will need time. Watch the mother -in -law, her behavior.
Try to understand what she loves, what she is interested in. Look at what husband’s mother pays attention to when it happens at your home. If she needs to be always clean, it is not difficult to remove in the room on the eve of the meeting.
But when any of your action becomes a reason for reproaches, build personal boundaries and say things that are significant for you gently, not aggressive.
Switch her attention
If the son has occupied an important place in a woman’s life, and now she shows excessive care for your family, perhaps she has nothing to realize herself. The son in the picture of the Mother World can be a substitute for the masculine principle if she could not build her personal life.
If your relationship allows this, help her in this: register on the dating site, write down to the club, go with her to an event where there are often men of her age, bring with a neighbor. Offer to buy a dog – maybe she will be carried away by exhibitions? Help find a community of like -minded people in her favorite hobby. When a third -party interest appears in a woman’s life, she will cease to disturb your family.
Realize what place in the family you are ready to allocate mother -in -law
Not every daughter -in -law will arrange a situation when her husband’s mother often visits a visit without demand. But stand in place of mother -in -law: perhaps she just misses her son. Try to show more attention to her. Buy tickets and invite your husband to go to a movie or a performance together with mom. Let them talk without you.
But look for a balance. The mother -in -law loves the cottage, and her son often helps her there? He travels every weekend, and you are alone with children at this time? Agree with him about the frequency of these visits not to the detriment of the family.
Give her the opportunity to take care
She love to take care and help? Give her this opportunity. Highlight the strengths of the mother -in -law and think about what it can be really useful to you. Likes to save and knows by heart all prices in the grocery stores of the district? Feel free to ask her to get some position for you.
